a collection of my thoughts, feelings, photos, likes, dislikes, goals, vents, and much more. Maybe this can help some of you see past my wall of insecurities.
Never really understood what that meant til now. No, it doesn’t give the excuse to be irresponsible. However, much like carpe diem, we all need to learn to live each day without regrets. Actually…more than yolo, I prefer hakuna matata.
Anyway, I’ve had so many changes happen in my life in such an abrupt way. Some expected, most unexpected. I can’t say I’m very happy because I’m the type that likes order and planning. I just hate leaving my comfort zone. I mean it’s there for a reason… But I digress. I don’t really know an outlet for all my feels lol. But tumblr will have to do while I try to find one. I wish some people I used to be able to vent to were still around, but that’s my fault too.
We all change and I need to get used to that inevitable fact of life. I’m so used to being the pillar everyone leans on and expects to never break, that I have no choice but to put up this front constantly. I don’t really know or remember who follows my tumblr if anyone does hah, so I think I can be honest. It’s really hard. I’ve built up this persona almost of the character I want to be, but I don’t think I can achieve it. I’ve made big goals for myself that I think I’m too lazy to reach for. I’ve put other things ahead of what should be my priorities and I’ve been completely aware every move. I don’t know. In my mind, I’m a wreck. But in others’ eyes I’m a well-oiled machine with all my wires in tact.
Ugh, I have this fear that I’m trying to force myself onto this path where I will just one day wake up and think, “wtf have I done with my life?”
I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and I’m probably not one to talk since I know I constantly judge people. However, my case feels a little different. We often judge people with what they do, but for me it’s the opposite. I find people judging me all the time for things I DON’T do.
What I don’t quite understand is…why? Why would you judge me when it has nothing to do with you? When whatever I choose to do or not do will affect you in no way? Also, from what I’ve gathered, what I don’t do has caused absolutely no harm to you or myself. So, why bother?!
This is really directed to several people in my life, whether it be friends or family. First of all, mind your own business. Second, take a good look at yourself and how your actions reflect onto others, then come and talk to me. And third, learn to respect other people’s lifestyles even if they don’t agree with your personal beliefs and virtues.
I surely don’t approve of a lot of things my friends do, and maybe I’m just trying to be too good. But honestly, there are too many badly-influenced people in this world for me to join them. I chose to live my life through Christ, and am happy every time I succeed in proving myself good to others.
I just wish you all would stop trying to bring me down because I would never do that to you. In fact, I only want to help people. It’s been one of my biggest goals in life to somehow positively affect each and every person I meet. I try my best, even though my time is not fairly spread out. I’m sorry if I have big dreams, and no it’s not just to get into grad school…that’s just one tiny milestone in my list of ambitions. Right now, I’m surrounding myself with people who support me completely and can help me achieve what I want to achieve. So if you’re here in my life just to bring me negative comments and tell me things I really don’t need to hear…then just tell me straight up that you have a million insecurities. I’d rather hear that truth, so I’d at least be able to help.